Once In A Lifetime

The Japan adventure has now ended. As I was walking alone in the streets of Yokohama, I was both counting down the minutes until I get back to Manila and at the same time wishing for each second to slow down and I could spend more time here. When the plane began its ascent towards the rainy sky, I was holding back tears. I’m leaving Japan, and it might be for forever.

The Japan adventure has now ended. The things left are the photos, the souvenirs, the lessons learned and the wish that someday, I could go back.

This Is My Way of Saying I'm Back (Part whatever)

I’m writing this on my second to the last night here in a tiny hotel room in Yokohama, my home for two weeks. I’ve come to view its smallness as a source of comfort; every night I would come home to this place tired and sleepy, but knowing it’s been a very satisfactory day, be it at work or at exploring different places in Tokyo and Yokohama. Yet each time I wake up in the morning, I feel excited for the day’s events and panic that each new day means I’m one day closer to my departure date. It’s such a classic case of so little time, so much to do.

While I miss my family and friends dearly, I really enjoyed being in Japan and I’m so, so sad to be leaving. And it’s not just about the places I visited and the places I have yet and so badly wanted to visit. It’s not about the generally helpful and friendly locals I’ve met who made this non-Nihonggo speaking foreigner feel she’s not such a nuisance for asking one question too many. It’s not just about the wonderful contrasts of technology and culture that made Japan such a unique place.

The thing is, I like who I am when I was here. This is such a clichéd thing to say, but it’s true: some things are yours for the taking, but only if you have the courage to grab it. I never knew I have enough guts in me, but I took the chance. Because I love to see so many places in Tokyo, I didn’t let the language barrier nor the intimidating transportation system nor the distance nor the effort to stop me. Yes it’s scary, but it’s quite liberating as well. I did the things I never thought I could and the payoff was great – not just making it to my chosen destinations, but the getting there.

And yes, it might sound mababaw, thinking that being able to go from one place to another without getting lost was such an accomlishment. But I'm not the type to take this kind of chances. And to have this kind of feeling, feeling like you're capable of just about anything, I don't feel that way often. And I like that I get to feel that.

After a long time, I finally have something concrete that I really, really want: I want to go back to this country, on my own terms. I don’t know how long that will take me, but I know one day I will make it come true. If not, well, it’s the journey, not the destination, remember?

~ less serious, more irreverent, more detailed story of my Japan adventure coming soon! I hope. ;) ~

Twits Ex Post Facto

Because twitter and facebook are banned in China!

8-18-09 4:42PM – This is the second time today that I heard David Pomeranz’(?) Take Me To Your Heart. That song must be big here.

8-18-09 9:02PM - Oh my bad. Google said that song was by Michael Learns To Rock! Since when did MLTR start to sound like David Pomeranz?!

8-19-09 10:02PM - Download is so sloooooow...

8-19-09 10:44PM - Big hotel room is nice on the first day, but feels a tad too big and empty after a while. Nyay drama.

8-20-09 10:06PM - Shouldn’t be enjoying Mainland China’s version of Hana Yori Dango but I am!

8-20-09 11:23PM - I’m so tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here.

8-21-09 00:04AM – Hey, it’s my birthday!

8-21-09 11:35PM – Happy and thankful that my new officemates made me feel special on my birthday.

8-21-09 11:48PM – Still not ready to go to sleep. Let me try and make sense of the washing machine with operating buttons in Mandarin.

8-22-09 00:18AM – Yay! Washing machine’s working! Trial and error push button technique FTW! Goodness. I’m doing the laundry. For real.

8-22-09 9:25PM – Shanghai World Financial Center is OMG TALL. Understatement.

8-23-09 12:02PM – China also like Emilia’s Big, Big Girl. Well, I’m a small, small girl in a big, big city.

8-23-09 3:47PM – The skyscrapers are just so… wow. Wow. WOW. Too much Discovery Channel has made me a skyscraper geek.

8-24-09 10:08PM – Slow download is still slooooooow.

8-26-09 10:17AM – I just realized I haven’t read any newspapers since I got here.

8-27-09 2:16PM - Music is like an old, trusted friend that you can always rely on to make you feel better.

8-27-09 3:02PM - Fell in love with Arashi all over again!

8-27-09 3:35PM - Aww... Blue.

8-28-09 2:45PM - Is eating fig muffin. Now I know what fig tastes like. Yey! I’m having a Hana Yori Dango moment!

8-28-09 2:52PM - Must watch Hana Yori Dango again when I get back.

It's My Day!

I'm paraphrasing again something I heard from other people, this time from Rob Thomas:

I don't grow old, I grow older. I know certain things about myself that isn't going to change, and it's kind of comforting.

Here's to more years of not growing old, but years of growing older and wiser. :)

Side Trip

I have lots of kwento that I want to share, but I can't find the time nor the words to write those thoughts down. Then I saw a submission in PostSecret that hit me and I'm paraphrasing it here:

Sometimes it's scary to think that we won't ever get the chance to repeat every single moment in our lives in the exact same way and feel the exact same feelings, but it's comforting to know that those moments and those feelings DID exist.

Just Checking In...

I know my trip to Shanghai is wholly work-related, but damn! Can I just take a few seconds to think of it as a chance to see a foreign country and feel a tiny bit excitement that I'll be traveling outside the Philippines for the first time? Can I just forget all the pressures that goes with the fact that I'm new on the job and already was asked to venture into unfamiliar territory?

I feel so damn insecure and so unprepared and so scared. I'm psyching myself up with pictures of The Bund at night and the Shanghai World Financial Center. For a moment, the pressures are off.

Everything will turn out fine.

The Grave Is Not Its Goal

Twenty six years ago, on the day I turned two, Ninoy Aquino was shot dead. I was much too young to comprehend the impact of such news, but it was one of my clearest childhood memories: my mom and I were in the sala, looking out of the window, the black radio delivering the news at the corner of the room. I was seated on my mom’s lap and I couldn’t see her face, but I remember that she was silent for a while. I remember that she said something like, “it’s your birthday, and Ninoy died.” Maybe it was my mom’s way of predicting that one day, the nation will revere Ninoy as a hero, and will celebrate his life every year on his death anniversary, every year on my birthday. But I didn't know that then, and neither did my mom. All I know was it was my birthday, and it was a sad day.

When the news broke out that former President Cory Aquino passed away last August 1, my first thought was: she died 20 days before the death anniversary of Ninoy. It was such a sad, sad thought for me and I don’t know why. All weekend long I tried to fight this grief. I avoided the news and specials on TV, avoided reading the tributes of newspaper columnists and bloggers. I didn’t even attempt to catch a glimpse of the cortege when it passed by Ayala Avenue yesterday. Maybe if I didn’t think about it, it never happened. Yet somehow, I found myself crying silently while traveling the length of Roxas Boulevard this morning. Maybe I was overreacting. But then, maybe all of us – those who lined up to see her casket, those who waited, welcomed and showered her casket with confettis on the streets of Makati – are overreacting. So what? We have the right to express ourselves freely, we have the right to overreact. We are free to do all these things, all because of Cory.

There’s nothing more that I could add to what has been already said about Cory’s legacy. But more than her legacy as a leader and champion of democracy, it is her belief – and Ninoy’s belief – in the inherent goodness of people that I will most remember her for. Years ago, we showed the world our best when, as a nation, we chose Cory as our President against tremendous odds, during such tumultuous times. I hope and pray that one day, we might show the world again our very best.

I am sad, but I’m eternally grateful. Grateful that I can celebrate my birthdays as a citizen of a free and democratic nation. Grateful that I can mourn a person’s death without fear of persecution or arrest. Grateful that I learned how to have faith in people to do what's good and right because my leader taught me how to. Thank you, Cory.

Tell me not in mournful numbers,

"Life is but an empty dream!"

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

"Dust thou art, to dust returnest,"

Was not spoken of the soul.

- A Psalm of Life, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow