Tuesday, July 17, 2007

"Just because some of us have the emotional range of a teaspoon..."

Guess what? This adik made it as a finalist in Powerbooks’ Triwizard Tournament! Well, they got my surname wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s me on the list.

But now that I have time to think about it, I’m not sure I want to go to the Finals. For one, I have Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to finish on that day! I’ve been waiting and planning for July 21 ever since it was announced that Book 7 will be released on that date. I think I would be too distracted about the book to bother with the Tournament (but I can’t deny that the five freakin’ thousand pesos is such a huge motivator!).

But there’s a bigger reason for my hesitation and I’m half-ashamed to admit it. I don’t even know how to explain it well (and this isn’t going to be a really nice post). It’s connected with what I’ve mentioned in my post on the OoTP movie about someone who scoffed at me for watching the movie on its opening date. It kind of stung the way that person said it, like I’m being too shallow – or I guess what I really felt was that I’m such a useless tool because what I’m doing or the things I’m devoting my attention to are not important.

I’ll be the first to admit that my addictions – not just with Harry Potter but with everything else – are downright weird that it can be painfully embarrassing sometimes. I don’t expect most people to understand, really. I don’t even expect my friends to understand me all the time, especially since I know I don’t share with all of them my tastes and passions and opinions. But there’s this part of me who expects people to understand that these are important to me that’s why I choose to do those crazy things and act on these obsessions. I’m okay with you laughing at me when I make a fool of myself gushing over these things, I’m perfectly okay with doing things on my own because I know you’d rather do something else than indulge me and my schemes, but sometimes I feel a little betrayed, and hurt, and that you couldn’t even understand why. And I know that this is me being too shallow again and making a big deal out of nothing but this is how I feel and I just want to say it out loud this time and that there are a lot of things that are important to me, trivial or not, and I expect that people should at least respect that and not treat me in an irritatingly condescending way.

So, ANYWAY – I’m reluctant to join the Tournament, because people have been giving me a lot of reasons not to: that I’m too old for this and I’m about to get my ass seriously kicked by a 10 year old, or that it’s not a cool or feminine or responsible-adult endeavor, or that it’s a big, big waste of time. Reading is a waste of time, reading Harry Potter is a big, expensive waste of time.

I really don’t mean to make this all into a big rant, not when I’m excited and happy about Saturday, but these negative feedbacks are chasing away my happy feelings. So please, you can be the mature, cool, level-headed individual that you are for all the good it will do in this world. Just let me rot in my shallow, immaterial, crazy addictions.


Since I don’t want to end this post in such a sour note – I’m still busy ogling over Sirius Black’s tattoos and his very maarte way of brandishing his wand! I’m thinking, am I the only one lusting after Gary Oldman?

Few more days to go!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

mami will be there for you. harry potter or not. =) just lemme know if you need 'audience' and 'rara tiger power' cheerers. Go bebe.