Monday, January 7, 2008

PE Time!

Some choicest words you wish you could use on employee performance evaluation - of your boss!

  • Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  • His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
  • I would not allow this employee to breed.
  • This employee has delusions of adequacy.
  • This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't be.
  • This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • This employee sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • Got a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
  • This employee has been working with glue too much.
  • When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
  • The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  • If this employee were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
  • It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this person beat out 1,000,000 others.
  • The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
  • Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet.
  • He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
  • This employee should go far and the sooner the better.
  • A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
  • He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.
  • He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
  • He would argue with a signpost.
  • He has a knack of making strangers immediately.
  • He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
  • If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
  • A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens.
  • A prime candidate for natural deselection.
  • Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it.
  • If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
  • One neuron short of a synapse.
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he just gargled.
  • He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
  • Technically sound, but socially impossible.
  • This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
  • He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

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