Footnotes To Insecurity

1. I wonder if there is a limit to our brain's ability to learn and if I already reached that limit. It feels like my brain cells have been fried crisp already and can no longer function as it should.
2. Now I feel really insecure. Between my classmates who have actual experience in trading and brokering and those with BS Math degree who specializes in Risk Management, my lack of experience and different educational background provide a stark contrast. What the hell am I doing in Treasury?! What the hell am I doing in a company that limits its Treasury activities and therefore hinders us from exploring and understanding the whole business? I wish I was working for a bigger and more dynamic company. The grass is indeed greener on the other side.
3. I hate it when I feel stupid. I hate that the things I know are of no importance in real life. I hate that I can only learn so much.
4. I hate that I've given up a long time ago my dream of becoming a doctor. I hate that I've passed on my chance to study at UP Law School a year ago.
5. I hate that I'm procrastinating on my plans of taking up MBA.
6. I hate that I'm actually learning new things right now and still want more. I hate that I can only have so much.
7. I wish I was a techie whiz. I wish I was a serious art buff.I wish I had a degree in literature or history or philosophy. I wish I was a cool geek. I wish I could be anything other than who I am right now.
8. I wish I could do so much. I wish I had enough time to watch my fave shows on TV, to catch up on the latest news, to be updated on NBA and PBA, to watch MTV and WWE and National Geographic and Iron Chef. I wish I had enough time to update my various web pages. I wish I had enough time to play Warcraft, to appreciate the finer points of poker as opposed to gool ol' tong-its. I wish I could go to concerts and gigs as much as I used to.
9. I wish I could be a lot of things and more. But I am just me, hoping that what I have are good enough.