Happy 2009!!!

This year I’m thankful for a lot of things: family, friends, good health, my 3-year old iPod nano (still functioning!), my first trip to Baguio, my Boracay vacation, successfully passing the SEC certification exam, Barack Obama becoming the US President, my newfound love affair with jdramas (I am thankful, my friends are probably rolling their eyes), Ikuta Toma's dimples and overall cuteness, the combined dorkery and hotness of Arashi, The Dark Knight, friends’ healthy bundle of joys, the totally cool iDock I won from Oliboy!, new friends, enough time to bum around and marathon-watch various shows... well, the reasons may seem trivial but the list is long.

I read somewhere that we tend to remember our sad moments more than the happy ones. After all, happy experiences don't leave wounds the way painful ones do. But I guess it's those scars that make the good moments all the more precious. We are not just defined by the wounds we sustained from our personal battles but also by the smiles and laughters we get even from simplest of reasons.

Here's wishing you all a happy and colorful 2009!

P.S. 11:20pm
It's a rainy New Year's eve, but rain or not, I already decided that, for the first time in my life, I will not welcome 2009 in the streets. I'm inside the house, in front of the PC, live streaming Johnny's Countdown in Japan, hosted by Arashi. I had troubles earlier with the streaming sites, I had to switch to another site and there's still buffering time but I'm enjoying the show so far. God, I'm too crazy over Arashi! However you spend the night, I hope you're all having fun like me! :)

(Tokio is now playing - damn, Nagase is too hot!)

The Color of Memory Is Always Blue

The faint blue skirt flies on the sunset hill
I wondered aimlessly
Maybe eternity is something like this

"Love will end someday", you whispered with a faraway look
I was pretending I couldn't hear,
I wonder if you noticed

The cherry blossom petals danced in the wind
There's a feeling here that won't change even if time passes by

I want to see you, I want to be with you
I try embracing you in my dreams
I want to run after you, I wish to follow you
I'm wandering in a deep maze
I want to see you, I want to be with you
Not the dream but the real you
But I can't see you, I can't meet with you
I'm drowning in feelings that have nowhere to go

We looked up with our shoulders touching
The night sky is a planetarium
The same stars they still rise and disappear somewhere

The feelings stagnate in my heart
I can never turn them into words
I wish I can wrap them softly in my sighs and exhale them

Even if it runs by in the waves of the changing seasons
The memories won't come undone in between the past and the future

I want to see you, I want to be with you
I try embracing you in my dreams
It won't fade away, it won't fade away
The faint smell still lingers in the air
I want to see you, I want to be with you
Not the dream but the real you
And it hurts so much, it hurts so much
That faint blue starts to blur

Blue

- Arashi

I'm Going To Bed, Good Morning

Dear Me,

It's 2:10 am 1:59 am says blogger when I saved this entryand you're still in front of the computer watching Arashi and not showing any sign of sleepiness???

Tell me, is this your way of correcting your messed up body clock? Because, to be honest about it? TOTALLY NOT WORKING.

Go to sleep. NOW.

Love,
Jela

Whatever Yaya, Christmas Na!

I just got home from work - the long vacation in our country officially begins now!


It was kind of lonely walking in Makati carrying around too much stuffs. My friends were either on leave or went home early so I felt a bit alone and sad. But I realize - how often do I see an almost deserted Ayala Avenue with no harassed corporate slaves in sight? The traffic was surprisingly light and by the time I got home, I feel a lot better. Hey, it's Christmas! That should be reason enough to feel happy and thankful. :)

This post is brought to you by Arashi:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Christmas Cramming

Guess who broke her New Year's resolution for this year?


And yet - a day to go before Christmas and still I'm not done with wrapping all the gifts. *weeps*


I guess this is one of my irrational addictions. I cannot NOT wrap gifts hahaha!


The one I enjoyed doing the most was deciding how to wrap my give aways to my lady friends. I came up with this:


I hope they will like it! :)


I just want to stay at home today and sleep, but the long holiday for me will not start until tomorrow. I'm tired na and I just want my body clock to return to normal (lately when the clock strikes 12 midnight I find myself still wide awake AND bouncing with energy).


Few more hours before Christmas!

Arashi For Dream!

My pimp post about Arashi is BEGGING to be written – especially after I read the translation of their latest TV guesting and… damn. This boy band is too retarded and too full of crack and I love them for it!

Their retardery, especially Sho’s, couldn’t come at a better time as I find myself suddenly attracted to this boy (my previous crush was Matsujun. I still like him and all but I’m very much attached to Sho right now!). I mean, what’s not to like? Sho is good looking with a hot body to boot, he’s an awesome rapper, he has a degree from Keio University (considered an Ivy League school in Japan) (and he got his degree while STILL in the band!), and he’s a weekly newscaster for News Zero. Beauty and brains, he clearly is.

And then he and the rest of his dorky bandmates went on NATIONAL TELEVISION and talk about how an old man at a massage parlor in Shanghai, flipped Sho’s bleep bleep upwards to scrub… what needs to be scrubbed on that area. *dies* Then proceed to demonstrate the story to the audience and to the whole of Japan. *dies some more*

FAIL. Fail, I say. (And by that, I mean win.)

Yet I still love him.

ARASHI. Throwing their reputations out of the window since 1999.


BUT – more proof of this band’s awesomeness is the actual reason for the said TV appearance (no, they don’t just go around TV shows spouting hilarious stories).

Arashi is Japan’s Artist for 2008, with two of their singles capturing the #1 and #2 slots in the Oricon year end charts! truth/Kaze no mukou e and One Love are ranked #1 and #2, respectively, in terms of CD sales. They also clinched the #10 slot for Beautiful Days and #12 for Step and Go. You probably don’t have any idea what I’m talking about but let me tell you that THIS is a huge, HUGE accomplishment because no single artist has occupied the #1 and #2 slot in a single year in Japan’s music charts since 19 years ago!

WIN. Win, I say. (And by that, I mean massive, epic WIN.)

I love them all.

ARASHI. Breaking records and creating their own since 1999.

Must We Talk About This?!

Maybe I’m not such a boring person after all. I learned that my being picky over foods was a topic of conversation among my officemates when I was on leave.

Now, I feel I should defend myself here, since it seemed that I give the impression (not only to my officemates but to my friends as well) that I’m too maarte with food. The straight answer is that I’m not maarte. There are just… some foodstuffs that I do not and will not eat. Is that such a bad thing?

I think my 'choosy-ness' is a bit glaring because some of the stuffs I don’t eat are those that are enjoyed by everyone else. The most obvious example is apple. Yep, I’m not a big fan of apples. You can’t use the cliché “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” to me. But I have a colorful history with the “apples-to-oranges” analogy but that’s another story. I’m also averse to some “foreign” fruits like oranges, cherries, grapes and strawberries. Again, I ask: is that such a bad thing? If you think that I don’t eat fruits, then I have to let you know that I LOVE mangos. I can live with not eating any other fruits except mango. Minsan nag-uulam din ako ng mangga. I also like singkamas, santol, pineapple, watermelon, melon, lanzones, banana.

I also don’t like ensaymada. Just yesterday a client sent us ensaymada and they’re convincing me to try it and I was “DO NOT WANT!”. I don’t like how moist it looks and the texture I can feel when I bite into it and auugh.

I don’t like sinigang na isda because I can taste the lansa. My father, who hails from Quezon, likes sinaing na isda and I really couldn’t stand the smell of it! I do eat fish; I like galunggong (especially when it’s paired with monggo yum!) and dilis and dalagang bukid, but I like my fishes fried. And I think I’m going to have a problem if AND when I go to Japan because I don’t eat sushi!

What else? I don’t like baked mussels or clams, although there are rare times I do eat if it’s baked well. I don’t like raisins. I don’t like the sampalok from Thailand . I eat isaw but not atay. Don’t get me started on adobong atay. I don’t eat tuna. I can’t eat sardines straight from the can; it has to be ‘ginisa”. There are probably other foods I don’t eat but these are the first ones that come to my mind.

BUT… I don’t think the list above justifies the perception of me being maarte over food! I’m sure each of us has their own lists of foods-I’m-so-not-touching and the list will include stuffs more bizarre than the items I don’t eat. And, yep, my stuffs-I-love-shoving-down-my-mouth list definitely TRUMPS my do-not-want-ever list. So, who still thinks I’m maarte?

Now – my being a slow eater? Is a different matter and I have no defense for that.

Catfight

My youngest brother and I are arguing over the gender of our kitten. He says it’s a he, and I believed him at first. Then a few nights ago, I accidentally saw our kitten with our tomcat and they’re, uh, doing the deed. Well, it looked like they’re doing it because the tomcat is on the kitten’s top and is biting on the latter’s nape (okay, I know you probably don’t want to read about cats having sex any more than I wanted to have seen what I saw but bear with me. I need to justfiy myself here!). I tried to shoo both away from each other but the cats ignored me. In hindsight, I think I didn’t shoo enough because I was afraid that the cats would angrily swipe at me for interrupting them.

So the next morning, I told my brother and my mom about it. My mom was shocked but my brother just scoffed at me.



“Lalaki yun”, he stated matter-of-factly.

“Eh ano yung nakita ko?!!”

“Baka tinuturuan lang.”

“Baka gay yung pusa.”



You don’t need to know who said what.

Homicidal

So I've been marathoning Criminal Minds since my vacation leave. It didn't grab my attention at first, but I slowly developed an affection for the show. It wasn't as flashy as the other procedural shows like CSI but the ensemble cast were such interesting characters that you get to care about them as much as the mystery that they have to solve. It didn't matter that the first season finale was a huge cliffhanger because I already have a copy of the second season.

I first saw red when I realized that my second season was incomplete. I had to go to Quiapo and find a seller that has the second season that was not bundled with the first one. And for good measure, I bought the third season as well.

The second season finale was not a "To Be Continued..." episode like season one. But I got the insane urge to kick something when I realized that Jason Gideon was leaving the show! I mean, it's not like the show has not disappointed me yet - I didn't like the way the Spencer Reid arc was resolved - but still, I was not prepared for the departure of a major character.

And then I had to watch the season three finale AND IT WAS ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER AND I SWEAR I WANT TO STAB THE TV, THE DVD PLAYER, ANYTHING WITHIN MY SIGHT SOOO BAD BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE IT! Why, why do I have to care about this show so much?! And it's not like I cannot download the season four pilot RIGHT NOW just to satisfy my curiosity but I HATE that I didn't see that ending coming when I could have just read the spoilers on the net to save me from this stupid, stupid shock.

And I keep asking myself why I watch this show ABOUT SERIAL KILLERS AND REALLY BAD GUYS AND SOMEWHAT GOOD GUYS DOING BAD THINGS when it's depressing and bleak and I wonder if I'm turning into a PSYCHO because a few months ago I get a kick out of watching Japanese guys who are into rainbows and stuffs and now I'm watching American guys talking about evisceration and mutiliation and sadism and should I take this all as a sign or something?

Not Enough!

I can’t believe my vacation is finally over! I’m not thrilled to be back at the office after living like a rock star for almost two weeks – you know, the sex, drugs and rock n roll kind of lifestyle. Except for the sex. And the drugs. And a bit of the rock n roll. It’s more like sleep, daydream and jpop.

As promised, my vacation was a slackfest – except it wasn’t the big slackfest I was hoping for. I slept a lot, even if I don’t want to. Did you know that watching TV in the afternoon was no longer as fun as it used to be? Even if there were TV shows and movies to watch, I just can’t shake off my sleepiness! It’s like all those times I refused to sleep in the afternoon as a kid has finally caught up with me!

Our PC went bonkers on me so my plan of downloading and watching Arashi shows was unceremoniously scrapped from my agenda. Perfect timing! Obviously, I was not able to blog as well. So, when I was not sleeping, I watched TV or read or played DS lite games.

Some of the things I did:

• Watched the first season of Life (and what a short first season it was!)
• Watched seasons 1, 2 and portion of 3 of Criminal Minds (developed a big crush on the nerdy Dr. Spencer Reid and the hot Special Agent Derek Morgan and wanted to work with a mentor like Jason Gideon. Will probably blog about this later on)
• Re-read Battle Royale
• Read Jasper Fforde’s The Fourth Bear
• Half-way through with Kate Mosse’ Sepulchre
• Peeked at a few scenes in Meteor Garden season 1 (what?)
• Re-watching season 3 of So You Think You Can Dance (I got seasons 3 and 4 from Quiapo yay! The cable is airing re-runs boo!)

I watched lots of shows on cable (NBA, Jeopardy, Survivor re-runs on Maxx, Step It Up and Dance (poor man’s SYTYCD), Room 401 and Wildboyz on MTV, Throwdown with Bobby Flay) and on local channels (Kahit Isang Saglit, Pilipinas Game KNB?, Pinoy Fear Factor, PBA, premiere of Fringe on CS9). If couch potato is an acceptable job, I would have a respectable career.

Whoever said that it’s a good idea to play Dementium: The Ward in the dead of the night should be locked in a room full of zombies. It’s not just I suck at first-person shooter games, the setting of the game was a bit scary, too. I think I’ll stick with Super Mario Bros., thank you very much.

My vacation was a bit uneventful, save for yesterday morning when I got locked in in our bathroom. No, I did not do anything stupid, it’s the lock itself, I tell you. It took my brother about 10 minutes before they could open the door – and yep, they did try kicking at the door like what they do in the movies. Epic fail.

Darn. Did I just blog about how boring my vacation was? And yet, it’s still not enough.

The Embarrass-Myself-In-My-Own-Blog Post

I've unearthed this... crap I wrote bajillion years ago when I was young and didn't know better. To save the last shred of my dignity, I will not include my original title for this - I suppose once upon a time I called this thing a poem so we'll call this that - poem because it screams of cheesy, so let's just title this "The What-Was-I-Thinking?! Poem". (Pwede ding "The Once-Upon-A-Time-Jela-Was-This-Gigantic-Ball-Of-Mush Poem")

I hear the gentle tapping of the rain
Against the window pane
I hear the music of your voice
Whispering against my ear
I look up as the rain touches my lips
As my lips have kissed yours
The puddle of water mirrors my face
As your eyes had unmask your emotions
I lose myself under the rain
As I melt under your gaze
I shivered from the cold...
As I trembled from your hold.
Were you and the storm just one and the same?
Or have we spent so much time making love
under the rain?

The Freedom-I-Love-Freedom Post

Drumroll please.

Ladies and gentlemen, today is the start of my 8-day vacation leave. That's about 13 days without work! Yeah baby! I don't have to go back to the office until December 2!

(And what a way to start the vacation by going to bed last night this morning at around 3a.m.)

After not taking any vacation leave for more than 2 months, my chance to unwind has finally come. I don't have plans of going out of town - my vacation is going to be a one big slackfest! I'll catch up on movies, TV series, jdramas (of course), Arashi shows (This is a losing battle, I tell you. I don't think I could ever catch up. But who says I can't try?), books (still too many!), games (my DS lite is begging for a new owner who will pay her more attention), blogging (like, haha), job-hunting (sshh!), and sleep, dude, SLEEP.

And now I realize, my 8-day vacation may not be enough.

It's really hard to find their so-called "balanced" life. There never seems to be enough time for everything - I want to have time for myself, time for my family, time for my friends, time to search for my long lost love (yeah right), time to make my mark in this world (naks). I don't know if I'm wrong for wanting to do a lot of things, and then worry that I'm not really doing anything substantive. But hey, nothing wrong with doing what makes me happy, right?

I haven't discussed my favorite season yet. Aside from tormenting my officemates with sappy Tagalog Christmas songs they want to kill me already, I'm yet to do anything Christmas-related. I haven't listed down yet my annual Christmas wish list! As usual, the list would probably consist mostly of books and downright expensive items that would put the WISH! in wish list. But if anyone would insist on giving me an Arashi photobook this Christmas, then I just have to accept it.

There's always the intangibles in our wish list - like good health for me and my love ones, sound mind and spirit, new experiences, world peace, an end to the economic recession, and someone I can say "I'm Yours" to on Valentine's Day (Ngek, intangible ba yun?! O eh ano! It's my godforsaken right to be loved, loved, loved.).

But I'm getting ahead of myself. For now I'll just enjoy this much anticipated break. Do you think my mom will allow me to watch Red Horse Musiklaban featuring SEPULTURA? Damn I want to go.

Hey Douchebag, My Balls Are Even Bigger Than Yours

My time is going to come, and you're so going to regret being such a shitty tattletale. You don't like me when I'm mad, but I bet you wouldn't like it when I get even. I know your secret, and I know you for who you really are - you're less than a man in more ways than one.

Tramps like us, baby we were born to run

The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight
But there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we can live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don't know when
We’re gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go
And we'll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us, baby we were born to run

Bruce Springsteen - "Born To Run"

I found myself hooked by the novel “Battle Royale” by Koushun Takami that an officemate jokingly said “I expect a reaction paper tomorrow”. (I was surreptitiously reading in the office last Monday. What?) Well, I took that as a challenge and decided to post a review of both the film and book.

Spoiler Alert! You know what that means.

I saw the movie first and loved it. I never planned on reading the novel but I saw this one lonely copy at National Bookstore last week and I could not resist! I started reading Sunday night and I couldn’t put the book down so I brought it at the office to finish.

(Sidebar: It always happens this way, it’s no longer funny. I get the urge to read/watch/play something on a Sunday night and I almost always end up liking what I read/saw/played that I start the week with a new addiction and a massive headache.)

The basic premise is this: a high school class was randomly selected to participate in Battle Royale, a game created by the government, where the students were isolated in an island and instructed to engage in a deadly survival game in which there can only be one winner. Sounds disturbing, right? Well, both the film and novel were highly controversial. In this age and time when school killings are news staple, I can understand why.

Both the film and novel were graphically violent. Then again, the blood fest in Hostel or even the Scream trilogy was more gratuitous than Battle Royale and I can name various action or slasher flicks that were way more violent and brutal. Same goes for the book – Stephen King has written more gruesome scenes than the ones depicted in the book.

I guess the more disturbing aspect of the violence is not the frequency of the deaths nor its brutality, but because these were committed by teenagers. More than the socio-political undertones (the movie and book were set in an alternate universe where the nation is ruled by a dictatorial/militaristic government), I was struck by the way the kids were unceremoniously thrust into a dog-eat-dog world. How do you expect a teenager to react to the news that he has to kill in order to live?

The unfortunate class selected to participate in the game was class 3B of Shirowa High School. The class is made up of 42 students of various stereotypes and cliques. There are the jocks, the delinquents, the otakus (nerds), the popular girls, the class clown, the entitled.

The story focuses mostly on Shuya Nanahara, the student who excels both in athletics and music. He’s quite popular, especially among the girls, but he’s oblivious to the attention. In the book, Shuya grew up in an orphanage with his classmate and best friend Yoshitoki Kuninobu. The fate of the latter early in the game determined the former’s strategy and motivation, which was to protect Noriko Nanagawa, another classmate and Yoshitoki’s crush. Shuya was a good person, too trusting for his own good, who managed to stay in the game with big doses of luck.

I like Shuya, basically because he’s a bit dim with regards to girls (I find that quality in a guy quite attractive, don’t ask me why) and the actor who played him in the movie was cute (haha). But my favorite character is Shinji Mimura. His personality was not explored that well in the movie but I thought he was cool in the novel. He is another jock, in the same league with Shuya ability- and popularity-wise. He’s smarter than Shuya, though, and Shuya repeatedly stated his desire to look for Shinji during the course of the game, knowing that Shinji would come up with a plan. Shinji was a quick thinker and has a better rein on his emotions, but like any other kid, he hold trivial grudges and was prone to irrational choices.

The author tried to give each of the 42 students a distinct personality, but it was a bit hard to keep track of who’s who during the first parts, and some of the similar sounding names didn’t help, either. The movie was not as exhaustive in introducing all the students to the viewers. The participants’ personalities and backgrounds affected the actions and choices they made during the game, and that’s what made the whole story click. Some acted the way you expect them to, others made surprising choices, and most reacted with tragic results.

The rules of the game added twists and unpredictability to the game. The students were given day packs that contain limited food and water, plus a random weapon which ranges from the useless (tiara, pot lid, fork) to the downright nasty (Uzi, beretta, potassium cyanide). After every six hours, the instructor would announce the forbidden zones. Anyone caught on these areas will be killed instantly. This rule discouraged a hiding out strategy and forced the students to move around. In the novel, if within 24 hours no one dies or gets killed, then everybody gets killed via the collar fitted to the students’ necks at the start of the game. The collars also enabled the organizer to monitor the players and punish those who broke the rules.

Yes, the whole premise was quite twisted and there were moments when I feel guilty for enjoying the book/movie. But it’s an engaging story; you know it will not end beautifully but you just want to see what these 42 young ones will do. You want to find out who would choose to play the game and kill and their reasons for doing so. You want to find out who would try to be the voice of reason, who would figure a way to escape, who would sacrifice so that another can live, who would just lose their minds. Then you get an uneasy jolt of realization - these people brandishing grown up weapons were just high school students: they have crushes, they have their cliques, they look for a leader, they bully the weak, they make rash decisions. You realize that these are not just random people forced to kill a stranger - these are a bunch of students who have formed a bond with one another, who have fond memories of their triumphs and adventures as a class. You find some scenes heartbreaking: when a boy tried to look for his classmate to confess his feelings, when the class sweethearts jumped together to their deaths. You feel for them when suddenly they become suspicious and distrustful, when a friend betrays a friend, when a slight action becomes the catalyst of a tragedy.

I wish I knew how to speak Japanese: the book I got was an English translation of the original novel but it was really good, yet somehow I feel that there were nuances that were lost in the translation. There were puns and inside jokes that someone familiar with the Japanese language and culture would easily understand. As I said, the movie and novel are both graphic, but it’s not just one whole gore-fest that’s meant to shock and exploit; I think, in this instance, the violence was just a tool to tell a bigger story. The effects in the movie were not even polished and Hollywood-esque, sometimes the scenes were even bordering on comical. Some of the dialogues and fight scenes were awkward, but these are teenagers and we all know how awkward those years were.

The book and the movie are not for everyone. If you’re looking for something “feel good”, then don’t pick this up. But if you can take the violence and if you want something that you can ponder about after reading or viewing, I suggest that you give Battle Royale a try.

Random Nutty Mutterings

I had my hair cut last Monday. It looked nice after a blow dry but two days after, may mga tikwas na uli! I’m not complaining, though; I like my hair now. I was advised against having a short haircut because it will make me look fatter but what the heck. I worn my hair long for quite some time already and while it made me look older, I thought that I also look boring. Well, now you know I’d rather look fat than boring. Ha.


***


I don’t like writing business communications. You would think that being a corporate slave this long I had mastered how to communicate efficiently. It’s not that I suck at writing business letters or emails, sometimes I just don’t like how I “sound” in those forms of communications, if you know what I mean. The way I write in my blog approximates how I speak in person (mouthy, rambling and incoherent), and that’s something that I can’t do in the corporate world (or I would have been fired a long time ago!).

Of course, over the years I’ve developed some pet peeves with regards to business correspondences I read. I understand that one has to use polite words to show respect, but too much use - “We respectfully would like to request to kindly please blah blah blah…” - is icky. Also – “As per our discussion…” – I think “As discussed…” or “Per our discussion…” would suffice. Then there’s – “Please advice.” when what the sender actually mean was “Please advise.”.

I also have a problem with “not unless”. Unless I’m wrong, I take it that some use this phrase to mean “except” or “but”, in which case, hindi ba dapat “unless” lang? Doesn’t the “not” negate the “unless? What do you think, grammar people?


***


Yesterday I was pissed off. Now I’m just sad.

I’ve known that kind of people all my life. You would call them sycophants or kiss-ass, but I prefer the Tagalog word sipsip. I want to believe that the sipsips of the world never really bothered me. In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter if the difference between being the third grade first honor and second honor student was a dress given as a Christmas gift? What does it matter if you reluctantly lose a few bucks so that your class can give roses to your terror Law professor on Valentine’s Day? I’ve learned to accept that being an honor student or getting good grades wasn’t always merit-based. Maybe in the real world, my work would actually matter.

Then later in life you will meet a more evolved form of sipsips and it’s really, really frustrating that not only do they get away from kissing other people’s ass, they also get ahead of everyone else. What does it matter if on their way to the top they also manage to kick others down?

Life is so unfair, and it sucks to be at the receiving end of that.


***


You know you’re in trouble when your 7-year old nephew is now asking you if you already have a boyfriend. Gadamnit.

This is My Way of Saying I’m Back

Sometimes, you get those life-altering lessons at work that you don’t get in real life. Like this lesson I learned from an email:

Hi,

We have a disbalance of Php1.00. Please check.

(names, amounts and exact wording of email were omitted/substituted to protect the ignorant innocent)


How stupid of me NOT to realize that the English translation of the word “disbalanse” is disbalance! Isn’t that the perfectly logical translation? And here I am making my whole corporate existence complicated by using difference or discrepancy when referring to uh… disbalance. Now I know – and you now know, too!


***


And in other news – why, hello blog! I miss you so much!

Anyway, I had to take a break from the web to study for my certification exam. Well, not exactly. I did study, but that’s not the only thing I did during my long hiatus. In fact, I pretty much did a lot of things EXCEPT study well.

Which resulted to me pestering my friends with text messages whining how I’m not getting any studying done because of they-know-what-and-who and how I’m going to flunk my exam.

But – yey! I passed the exam! Despite the pressures and my self-doubts, I still got good results. And that’s thanks to my friends’ prayers and constant encouragement.

Now that the exam is over, and as I start to make some changes in my life, I hope to still make this blog my witness to my various addictions and misadventures. Sana regular na din ang update ko!


***


What made me happy today: hearing Arashi’s “Wish” being played in Tokyo Tokyo! That was the first time I heard an Arashi song from a source other than my iPod and it made me so giddy! I’m so mababaw.

The Loss Of My Sanity

I contemplated for about 5 seconds whether this is the way I want to introduce Arashi in my blog but the decision is quite too easy. This youtube video is just too dorky and hilarious and beautiful to pass up!

One day I'm going to write a really nice and beautiful post about Arashi, but for now this video will suffice:

Blogspot: 4 - Jela: 0

Or, The I'm-Not-Yet-Dead Post.

I'm still alive, but real life pretty much happened in the last couple of weeks and got in the way of my blog life. I got frustrated a lot of times because a lot of things kept happening but none of it really does matter in a big way, and... I don't know. I don't want to rant, plus you wouldn't understand me anyway, I'm just tired of putting up with other people's misery - or what they imagined as their misery - and, just suck it all up like an adult, dude.

I pretty much resent the fact that I don't have time for some of my friends. You know who you are, and I'm really sorry.

Anyway, so my post title refers to my bouts with self over whether I want to delete my blog or not. Obviously, blogger is winning so far, but no matter how lopsided the score is, I only need to get one point and this blog loses. I keep wondering why I'm still blogging anyway. It's not even a tool to keep up with friends because only a handful knows about its existence. I'm not blogging for money or for any ranking. Or for literary recognition, heaven forbid.

I already hate my layout and I can't find a decent one. My blog reads like a whole random, senseless rambling with no cohesive structure. It's like I just talk and talk about nothing.

But maybe that's it. That's the reason why I blog, because that's who I am - I just like to talk and talk and talk. And sometimes, no one's there to listen. This has been my sounding board, and as pathetic as it may sound, I really don't care whether anyone would care to read it or not.

One day I would just walk away from this blog. But for now, I think I'm staying.

(I already removed the stupid countdown for the Harry Potter movie because every time I see it, I just want to punch something. Anyway, there's a new countdown here, this time for the book Tales of Beedle the Bard. Joy already promised that she would buy me one, but does anyone know if the book will be sold locally?)

Edit: fuck. what's wrong with blogger's formatting?!

Maou... What the hell, just watch it!!!

Maou has completed the destruction of my soul. I'm still crying here, not teary-eyed mind you, but full blown bawling. I don't know if I can watch the last episode again, if last week was painful for me, this time the feeling is... whatever is greater than painful.

I won't discuss the last episode yet, so no spoilers here. I'm just glad I didn't watched Mawang or the whole experience would have been different for me.  I was worried when I saw that the episode was only 45 minutes long; I thought it might take more than that to wrap the whole series up. But I'm not complaining because it was a tight 45-minute episode and why should I complain when I've been crying the whole time?!!

I'm so going to miss the weekly camping out waiting for the raws and subs, the clawing at the screens for akusub to please please hurry up with the subs, the dread right before I watch a subbed episode not knowing what to expect, the elation I felt when I got more than what I expected, and then back to the unbearable anticipating for the next episode!

Congrats to Toma and Ohno! I never thought a jdrama would make me watch for the plot AND the eye candy, but Maou certainly did!

And now excuse me while I try to pick up the pieces of my heart.

Bookaholics Anonymous

Hi I’m Jela and I’m a bookaholic.



After barely surviving Powerbooks’ month-long book sale last August – barely because I still bought 2 books during the sale period (technically, I only got 1 book on sale since John Grisham’s The Appeal wasn’t part of the sale. Pfft.) – here comes National Bookstore’s own month-long book sale! Arrgh!

My trips to bookstores almost always end up in two scenarios: either 1) I will go out of the store some bucks poorer clutching books I had never planned on buying in the first place; or 2) I will go out of the store empty-handed but feeling like I lost a friend.

Lately scenario 2 keeps on happening and that’s only because I’ve done a lot of scenario 1 before! I have to exercise all kinds of restraint not to buy more books to add to my growing collection of books in various state of UNREAD – i.e. unfinished books whether I only manage to skim a few words or already halfway through before putting it down indefinitely; books still covered in plastic wrapping. As of last count, my unread books number to almost 30 and don’t that make you panic a bit?

There has to be a support group or something for people like me who likes to binge on books (I binge on other things as well but that’s another story). I totally could not rely on my friends because instead of helping me discipline myself, THEY JUST PRESSURE ME TO BUY MORE, JEN.

And because I’m a masochist who enjoys tormenting herself more, I went to National Bookstore earlier and managed to add more titles to my Books-I-so-want-like-NOW list before I hastily exited from the store:

From National Bookstore:

1. The Satanic Verses [Salman Rushdie]
2. Midnight Children [Salman Rushdie]
3. Rant [Chuck Palahniuk]
4. Snuff [Chuck Palahniuk]
5. Lisey’s Story [Stephen King]
6. Duma Key [Stephen King]
7. Airman [Eoin Colfer]
8. Final Warning (Maximum Ride series book 4) [James Patterson]
9. Thirteenth Tale [Diane Setterfield]
10. Atlas Shrugged [Ayn Rand]
11. The Race [Richard North Patterson]

Other Books On My List

1. Tales of Beedle The Bard [J.K. Rowling] (but Joy’s getting this for me! Woo hoo!)
2. Kafka On The Shore [Harumi Murakami]
3. Brisingr [Christopher Paolini]
4. Never Let Me Go [Kazuo Ishiguro]
5. The Inheritance of Loss [Kiran Desai]
6. On Chesil Beach [Ian McEwan]
7. Labyrinth [Kate Mosse]
8. Lullaby [Chuck Palahniuk]
9. Invisible Monsters [Chuck Palahniuk]
10. Dangerous Books For Boys [Hal Iggulden]
11. Stranded [Greil Marcus]
12. Housekeeping vs. The Dirt [Nick Hornby]

(Let’s not even count here the mangas I’m planning to collect…)

I just lost, like, 3 of my BFFs…

All Things Must Come To An End

Ouch. The pain of seeing hot guys cry:

My heart! My heart - it's been torn to pieces by the penultimate episode of Maou. How can something so painful be so beautiful?

Honestly, I'm scared to watch the last episode. BUT I DON'T WANT THIS SHOW TO END!

Maybe I'll refrain now from watching ongoing series. The past 10 weeks Maou just consumed me! Next time if I want to be a masochist I'll do it by watching a series in one sitting. Or, I'll just stop watching heavy jdramas and just stick to the cracstastic ones. Maybe I'll just stop watching jdramas altogether.

B-b-but... the lineup of next season's jdramas looks awesome! Why did I ever get into this addiction in the first place?!

Anyways - Maou. I regret peeking at the previews for the finale! I can't stop thinking about that scene! If I cried buckets over episode 10, for sure I'd be crying rivers come episode 11. But no, I'm not peeking at Mawang to see how it ended, oh no.

But I just might watch the raws unsubbed the minute I got hold of it.

* * *

My blog just achieved a new milestone - this is my 400th post! Yay!

I know I've talked so much about Maou in this blog, in my other blog, in my plurk. I hope you'll forgive me for rambling about my latest addiction that none of you can relate to! Kilala niyo naman ako, when something strikes my fancy, talagang all-out flailing, all-out obsession. I won't promise that I would stop talking about Maou the minute I watch the very last episode because, you know - withdrawal syndrome!

Maou Is The Evil's Name For Awesome

I'M DYING. I'm just dying. I'm dying over the awesome that is Maou and I'm loving every minute of it!

The following events happened in the first 14 minutes of episode 9:
- Souda got beaten up while Kasai stood in the sidelines
- Kasai told the goons to give him the pleasure of killing Souda and deciding to spare his life at the last minute
- Kasai ended his affair with Toma's sis-in-law
- Toma's BROTHER killed Souda! He even left evidence to frame Kasai.
- Ohno went to the crime scene and called Toma USING SOUDA'S PHONE without speaking to let him realize that Souda is in danger
- Finally! - the confrontation scene! Toma punches Ohno! Toma screams at Ohno to tell the truth! Ohno admits the truth while smirking that evil smirk! Toma and that tear drop! MAJOR EPIC WIN!

I swear - not even 24 can pack that much kick ass in one episode.

I was flailing all over the place over how fucking amazing this episode is, how totally brilliant and ruthless Ohno's scheme this time, how much I can feel Toma's anger and guilt and hopelessness and Shiori's pain! And Ohno's pain for causing Shiori's pain! This show is absolutely killing me!

You know, it's amazing how much I crave for new episodes, and how desperate and edgy I become even after getting that new episode! Then I realize that there are only two more episodes left and I just... I just can't begin to describe how torn I am between wanting to see the conclusion AND not wanting this show to end.

It's not even JUST the series that I'm raving about [the series ITSELF is so rave-worthy]. I like over-analyzing and this series is making me do that so much! The whole "line between good and evil" stuffs keeps messing with my head and this series got so much gray in it. Like, for this episode - the only decent guy in the series, when the means presented itself, was the only guy to have killed in cold blood. I can give more examples but this was just so glaring and unexpected and I LOVE IT.

I'm totally incoherent, am I not? I love this show so much.

Pero Ang Tanging Nais Ko Ay Di Nabibili Ng Pera

DAMN IT. Hindi ako makakapanood ng Eheads reunion concert! Waah!

Bukod sa kadahilanang may pupuntahan akong kasal sa San Agustin ng 3:30 ngayon, wala din gustong sumama sa aking manood! Bakit ba, bakit ba hindi masakyan ng mga so-called friends ko ang mga trip ko?!! Kaibigan ko nga ba talaga kayo?! (joke lang!)

Binigyan ko ang sarili ko ng hanggang alas dose ngayong araw para i-convince ang sarili ko na manood mag isa. Syet, hindi ko yata kaya.

So please, kung sakaling hindi ako matuloy ngayon [at malamang ay hindi talaga] ayoko makarinig/makabasa ng anything tungkol sa concert.

SAD. SAD. SAD JELA.

Japan Is Still Driving Me Insane!

After spending three days complaining about the delayed soft subs for episode 8 of Maou, I have let the raw episode and the soft subs sit unwatched in the hard disk for two days now. Argh!

I just can't bring myself to watch this episode!
It has that big REVEAL!
My head's about to explode when I realized there are only 3 episodes left!

So now I'm holding back from watching this episode after days and days of impatiently waiting for it. What's wrong with me?!

How are you so good, Maou?

I don't know how anyone can say they've lived a meaningful if they haven't seen this series. Okay, that's an exaggeration but seriously? MUST. WATCH. Damn it, just watch this show!

I'm willing to burn the episodes in a CD if you're interested. But you have to wait for the series to end. I wouldn't want to put you through the agony of waiting every week for new episodes. On the contrary, I can't imagine how marathon-watching the series won't give anyone a heart attack. But that kind of heart attack? All goooood.

P.S.

Other ways in which Japan drove me insane:

I spent the first long weekend watching Japanese game shows or talk shows that Arashi guested in and each one is so freakin' hilarous! I was laughing so hard and so loud that my mom had to ask me what the hell I was watching. And I couldn't really tell her because how can one explain why she's watching a Japanese show without subtitle when she don't even speak that language and yet still find the whole thing funny?!

And then the next second, I was crying my eyes out while watching episode 7 of Maou.

But it's not my sanity I'm worried about. Last week my mom asked me IF SHE CAN WATCH what I was watching because she's curious about what's making me laugh like crazy.

My mom's about to find out that her only daughter is going bonkers.

Tuloy Na Nga Ba Talaga Ang LIGAYA?

Sana oo.

After reading this morning that Eheads' concert on August 30 was cancelled, I read two more blogs just now reposting Raimund's post in Sandwich's mailing list and Marcus' post in his blog that the reunion is pushing through! Ano ba talaga?! Wala pa din akong ticket!

The news was also posted here. I like the part about the tickets now being offered for sale. I think I'll have a better chance of scoring one! *crosses her fingers*

Damn, may pasok na naman bukas...

Domyouji Tsukasa: The Once And Future Dork

I've been delaying this entry for quite a long time. This is supposed to be the first entry in my brand spankin' new blog that's still not taking off because I just want it to be this perfectly organized blog (unlike this blog that is full of random). So now I decided the hell with it. I'm posting this imperfect rambling post now as a gift to myself because I had a fun time planning and writing this, even if no one will actually read it!

I can now with finality say that I love Hana Yori Dango better than Meteor Garden - and Domyouji Tsukasa is the biggest reason why. Sure, there are other guys who bring out the INCREDIBLY SHALLOW in me (including the oh so hot Dao Ming Si), but damnit Tsukasa sure tests the limits of my shallowness!

Domyouji isn't your typical leading man. He isn't even your typical anti-hero. But I love him, both the Meteor Garden reincarnation and ESPECIALLY the Hana Yori Dango character. Yes, he is arrogant, crazy and violent. But he's incredibly clueless, and he is this biggest dork that ever dorked wuss with a child-like heart. His combination of nastiness and naivete are made of AWESOME.

So I present to you proof of Domyouji's evilness and dorkiness, and why it has sank me deeper into the pits of fangirliness.


Read more...

It's My Day!

Thank you for the flowers and balloons. Thank you for the dinner. Thank you for the text messages and greetings.

But more importantly, thank you for the past year. Thank you for letting me test the limits of my insanity keeping me grounded and for making me laugh despite the stress and disappointments.

Thank you for giving me a lot of reasons to be thankful for. There's no better gift in this world than to have families and friends like you.


Edit: Oo nga pala - BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT - Champion ang Ginebra!!!

Superproxy

Gusto ko ng Eheads reunion concert ticket! Hindi naman ako makapag-sign up sa Marlboro website kasi kailangan smoker para mag-join. May nag-advise sa kin mag-pretend na smoker ako at favorite ko ang lights eh pano pag me practical exam?! Isang puff pa lang bagsak na ko!

Is there a way - any way - to get a ticket na hindi ko kailangan mag-yosi?!?!

No Freakin' Way!

Goddamnit.

When I say that happiness is fleeting, I didn’t mean it to be, like, one-day fleeting. After the best news yesterday, this news is just one big epic FAIL:

HBP Delayed until July 17, 2009

Did you see my countdown timer above? It says used to say that I should be waiting for HBP for only 3 more months, and now they’re adding eight months to my waiting period! Eight effin’ months!

I need to crucio someone right now.

Opa! Them Greek Guys Are Hot!

I am TOTALLY not watching the very delayed telecast of USA vs. Greece basketball game just for the eye candy. Surely any self-respecting basketball fan will tune in to this game knowing that Team USA is raring to get back at the last team who defeated them in an international competition?

No, I would never sacrifice sleep time over such shallow reason as pretty boys.

B-b-but... but... one can't help but notice, right? So the Greeks are not flashy players like their USA counterparts and I'm never ever going to get one name right, but still.

(Damn, I took a peek at MSN. USA won 92-69.)

Happiness Might Be Fleeting, But Damn I'm Happy!

Best. Damn. News. Ever.

My certification exam has been moved from September 2 to third week of October.



*cue loud shrieks of joy and relief*

This news couldn’t come at a better time because I’m so high strung right now. My quiet desperation from the previous weeks was abruptly turned into a full blown panic mode this week when I realized that I’m running out of time.

Only 2 weeks left to study!
300+ pages to go!

When I met with fellow examinees last Tuesday, my nerves just about reached its limits.

They have notes!
They have effin’ index cards!
I only managed to sleep through the section on what constitutes material information!

So now, I can rest my neurotic self and just enjoy the long weekends! Of course, I won’t be stopping with my review (swear), but now I have more breathing room and I can study without the pressure breathing down my neck.

So wish me luck! Or more aptly, wish me self-discipline and motivation!


***

In other news – oh yeah, I haven’t told yet the story behind my little accident.

I totally wish that the reason behind my injury was something fascinating or awe-inspiring, but noooo, it’s plain clumsiness. My right ring finger got caught in a van’s sliding door as I was closing it. Ouch.

But dude, dit it hurt! My jeepney ride after that accident was the nastiest ever. I was puffing my cheeks and pursing my lips to keep myself from crying because it was just so painful and I can see the blood trapped behind my fingernails and it’s grossing me out. I can’t wait to get home but the ride just seemed too slow.

I had my right hand x-rayed last Monday since my finger is still swollen. The good news is that I have no broken or dislocated bones. The bad news is that there’s a wound behind my fingernail. Even if the thought of having my fingernail removed is a bit disconcerting, I want to have a surgery to remove the blood clot. My mom is opposed to the idea and assures me that my fingernail will eventually go back to its normal appearance. I’m undecided; right now I’m leaning towards the surgery but o m g missing fingernail!

Everyone thinks it’s a good thing that I’m left handed, but since I spend most of my time in front of the computer it hardly matters. It’s hard to type, especially on the numeric keypad that I use a lot. It’s also hard to do other things, like shampoo my hair or carry a tray. Being the clumsy that I am, I manage to bump my swollen finger in every surface available!

I’m probably going to spend my birthday with one fingernail missing, but I can’t complain. There are other things to be thankful for, right? Besides, injuring my right ring finger made me appreciate what I can do with two useful hands. Best not to take anything for granted!

Paper Conversation

During a boring seminar:



I wrote: Me naghihilik ba?
She wrote: Saan?
I wrote: Sa right ko
I wrote: O sinisipon lang?
She wrote: Siguro
She wrote: Arashi
I wrote: favorite ko!
She wrote: Rock or pop?
I wrote: jpop
She wrote: youtube
She wrote: tinignan ko!
She wrote: Shu?
I wrote: Sho
I wrote: Sho Sakurai
She wrote: Hana Kimi?
I wrote: Oguri SHUN

Later…

I wrote: Nadinig mo?
She wrote: Ano ba?
I wrote: Yung parang humihilik!
She wrote: Oo, naka-black
I wrote: Kadire
She wrote: Hehe

Mush For The Day

If I stop wishing for it, would you make it come true?

If you grant my wish, would that day come when I stop thinking about you?

Would I?

See You On November 20!

First of all, I hope you will all appreciate how difficult it is for me to blog now. I have a swollen right ring finger from a little accident I had yesterday and it's ugly and it hurts and it's hindering me from my web tambay. I'll probably tell the story on a later date when it's no longer a pain to drag a mouse and to type.

So - to business:

My little countdown above, in case you didn't know it yet, is for the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince movie. It's actually counting down the days until the release of HBP in UK on November 21 - but the movie will be shown here in Manila on November 20!

Well, that's all. Can't type properly. Can't think properly.

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

Tagged by MakMak.

Click copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your list. Don't forget to change my answers to the questions with that of your own.


4 PLACES I GO TO OVER AND OVER
> Powerbooks Greenbelt 4
> Starbucks, Standard Chartered Bank Building
> Bibliarch, Glorietta 2
> Ton Ton’s Massage


4 PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME REGULARLY
(excepting work-related emails)
> Comics.com (weekly Foxtrot comics)
> QuiapoDVD yahoo group
> Mark, Jen and Bom
> Jojie


4 OF MY FAVORITE PLACES TO EAT
> Nanbanttei
> Java Man (Powerbooks)
> Recipes
> McDonalds


4 PLACES I'D RATHER BE
> my room (I’ll just sleep, read or watch and forget about the world!)
> Japan (go to Akihabara to satisfy my otaku-ness, visit Mt. Fuji, stand under a sakura tree, and of course, stalk Toma and Matsujun!)
> London, England
> Baguio


4 TV SHOWS I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
> Friends
> House
> Ghost Fighter
> Hanazakari no Kimitachi e Ikemen Paradise (NAKATSU!)


4 PEOPLE WHOM I THINK WILL RESPOND
> hmmm…
> don’t know.
> anyone who
> wants to! :)

Three 8s = Gold!

Too bad I can't watch the opening of the Beijing Olympics today. Hay, work always get in the way!

I'll be cheering for our country of course, but I'll be supporting Germany in Men's Basketball. Go Nowitzki!

Who Gave You Permission To Listen Again To Love Songs?

Like when I hear your name,
Or see a place that you've been
Or see a picture of your grin,
Or pass a house that you've been in
At one time or another.

It sets off something in me I can't explain.
And I can't wait to see you again.

No More Little Boy And Fat Man

Today is the 63rd anniversary of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. Like almost everything else that I planned to blog about, I told myself that I'm going to write something about the two World Wars, and yet it was only today that I was jolted into the realization that I have not done anything.

Anyway, I can't rely on my academic background to discuss this topic. My high school History subjects suck because the teachers glossed over a lot of the topics. (Plus the fact that I resent the way History was taught in our school; they put too much emphasis on memorizing names and dates instead of actually telling us what happened and why these events occurred. And anyway, History is a highly subjective lesson; unless you make tons of research, your perspective of history is shaped by the author of your reference books) I learned more about World War I and II by reading encyclopedias and watching National Geographic.

I don't want to discuss history, though. I won't waste my time on the whens, wheres, hows and whys because I'm certainly not an expert in history. But I often wonder whether the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a justified act. Was it the classic example of "necessary evil"?

Obviously I have not done this entry well. Cliche as this may sound, and despite my curiosity over the World Wars, I truly wish for world peace. I wish that I would never read about another genocide or another invasion. I wish that the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki would be the first and the last in our history.

I'll Never Let You Go

Since I left my iPod at the office last night, I tuned in to my mobile phone’s radio today on the way to work. It’s been a long while since I last listened to Chico and Del and dude! how I miss their Top Tens! The topic today was “Top Ten Things That Are Hard To Let Go”. It was a good topic because the answers were pretty diverse, but there are two replies that I really like.

The first answer that I absolutely can relate to is, of course, Harry Potter. I know! I just can’t let go of Harry Potter! More than a year since book 7 was released and sometimes I still can’t believe that the wait for the end was actually over. Like most fans, I’m still hoping against hope that Jo would write more about the boy wizard. I’m crossing my fingers that The Tales of Beedle The Bard will be available here, otherwise, I have some power-begging to do so that my friend abroad will buy me one!

The second answer I like had something to do with scent. The sender (I forgot whether it’s a he or a she. For simplicity let’s assume it’s a he.), said that he find it hard to let go after every dates, because the scent of his girlfriend still lingers. It’s totally aawww… and something I can relate to. There’s this scent that always remind me of someone, and each time I catch that same scent from another, it hits me hard and reminds me how much I miss this person.

Oopps… someone’s getting mushy!

And yeah, I think I need to tune in to radio more!



P.S.

I meant to post something yesterday, but I’m not sure whether I really want to share it so I saved it in my drafts. Maybe one day I’ll just change my mind about it hehehe… I just want to say that despite the current pressures in my life, I found one thing that’s making me really happy now. I don’t know if I should be, but what the heck, I just am!

I'll Procrastinate Tomorrow

For the past four days – in between working, cleaning my room, watching TV and DVDs, internet tambay, reading novels and daydreaming – I’ve been staring at this object:



What exactly is that, you might ask? Why, that’s my study materials for the certification exam for fixed income trader that I will be taking on September 2!


Did I mention that I haven’t read a single page of that... thing?





*sound of my head falling*





Damn. I’m in so much trouble.


The only thing I know about my study materials is that it’s thick and its words are probably highly soporific. I’ve only looked at the first page of the first chapter (Relevant Regulations and Implementing Rules, including selected SRC and OTC rules, BSP Circulars and relevant Revenue Regulations and Memorandums) after which I decided to ignore the materials first in favor of more, uh, entertaining pursuits.


So far I’m quite successful in procrastinating, but the panic is slowly building up in my stomach. I know, I need to study but what’s the worst that could happen if I don’t? I will flunk and pay additional bucks to retake the test. No, wait! That’s not an option! I will study na!


But the lure of movies and books and SLEEP is just so hard to resist...


I just need proper motivation, that’s all. After all, if I can read these much books:



Then I can read anything, right? Right?

Love Until It Hurts...

When you love, love until it hurts...
And when it hurts, love more...
When it hurts more, love some more...
When it hurts some more, love even more...
When it hurts even more, love until it hurts no more!

I've been trying to keep these words out of my head for the past week or so. I first heard these back in high school from one of my classmates and immediately scoffed at her idea of being a stupid martyr for love. I would only write the first lines in slam books just to be 'pang-asar'.

Eventually, I learned that one can't love only until it hurts. It can only be called love when you can set aside your pain and continue loving the one who hurt you. It's never as easy as it sounds, and there are times when I question the wisdom of what I was doing, but I feel that it's the only thing that I can and have to do. But how long must one endure the pain? How low must one sink into, in the name of love? How much does one have to sacrifice and compromise before one can say that he/she has "love until it hurts no more"?

Last week, a friend asked me to see her because she needed someone to talk to about her relationship. Obviously, they're having problems. My friend was trying to excuse her bf from the blame by saying "it's not him, it's the situation". I don't know anything about their relationship except what she chose to tell me and I haven't even met the guy, but I know enough of my friend to know that she would not normally put up with such bullshits. But like everyone else, I have to give her a pass. After all, she's in love.

When we are in love, we are allowed certain things. We have an excuse to act mushy, to be spaced out, to skip on our friends. We are allowed to do stupid things, to be rash and bold, we are allowed to endure and expect pain.

I'm not sure what my friend wanted from me. Maybe she just want someone who will listen. When I told her what I think of their situation, she turned the tables on me and said that I was full of pride and maybe if I wasn't like that, my previous relationship wouldn't have ended the way it did. I thought it was unfair - the conversation isn't about me, it's about her. For another, there's no use talking about old wounds. And lastly, she's wrong about me.

Or was she?

I sort of hate my friend for saying those things, because she made me look back and re-examine my past. And it made me remember those words. Did I only love until it hurt? Have I not love enough? Have I given up too early? Should I have done more? Did I really let my pride get in the way?

When we broke up, even now I still think that it wasn't about what was right or what was wrong. It was about what I can live with. I know it sound selfish, but at that moment I have to look after myself because no one else would. Was he hoping I would ask him to choose me? Maybe he was. And yes, I did ask him to choose me. Did I ask enough for him to choose me? I don't know. Because I stopped fighting for myself. Is that pride?

There wasn't time to second-guess my decision or to think of the could-have-beens if we chose a different path. There was life to deal with, after all.

And now I can say that those words were true - I did love until it hurts, until it hurts more, until it hurts some more. I did love even after the break up when it hurts even more. And now I can look back at my past love and smile about it, because I had loved until it no longer hurt.

Maybe that's how those words apply to me. For some, who are currently in love and hurting and wondering when it will stop hurting, it doesn't necessarily mean that love has to end for it to no longer hurt. Love and endure, be prepared to give your all, and learn to forgive and forget. That's the time when the pain will stop to matter.

Meme Killed The Radio Star (The Clues)

Sorry! I was not able to post the clues yesterday! Here they are - bonus points to those who can guess the artist and the song title. :)

1. Cause all I really want is to be with you / feeling like I matter, too / if I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago / I might be here with you
   
2. All these rhythms that you hide / only love can save us now / all these riddles that you burn / yeah, yeah, yeah
3. Swimming through sick lullabies / choking on your alibis / but it's just the price I pay / destiny is calling me / open up your eager eyes
4. I thought I was fool for no one / Oh, baby, I'm a fool for you / you're the queen of the superficial / and how long before you tell the truth
5. He's the one who likes all our pretty songs / and he likes to sing along / and he likes to shoot his gun / but he don't know what it means / don't know what it means and I say
6. 5ive
   
7. You realize that / sometimes you're just not okay / you level out, level out, level out / it's not alright now / you need to understand / there's nothing strange about this
8. The Beatles
9. Imago
10. But I'm a million different people from one day to the next / I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
11. We're just two lost souls / swimming in a fishbowl year after year / running over the same old ground / what have we found? / the same old fears
    
12. Must you make me laugh so much? / it's bad enough we get along so well
13. I've realized that the reason I think / the changing seasons are beautiful / is because you're there / I'm going to tell you now (Obviously, it's either you know them or you don't! I posted the English translation of their song, just in case. :p)
    
14. Kiss me, please kiss me / but kiss me out of desire, babe, not consolation / you know it makes me so angry cause I know in time / I'll only make you cry
15. I'm lost in admiration / could I need you this much / Oh you're wasting my time / you're just wasting time
    
16. Di magawang alisin ang aking mata / sa anghel na nakikita / iniibig na ba kita / Oh ewan ko ba
17. Paul McCartney
18. When you're on a golden sea / you don't need no memory / just a place to call your own / as we drift into the zone
    
19. Green Day
    
20. I would say I'm sorry / if I thought that it would change your mind / but I know that this time / I've said too much / Been too unkind
    
21. Drive me away / cause the night just feels right / take me away with you tonight / anywhere with you
    
22. David Cook
    
23. I'll sing it one last time for you / then we really have to go / you've been the only thing that's right / in all I've done
    
24. This is what you get / when you mess with us / and for a minute there / I lost myself / I lost myself
25. I got shit running through my brain / it's so intense that I can't explain / all alone in my white-boy pain / shake your booty while the band complains
    

I'm The Queen Of Wishful Thinking

I just realized that my birthday is only three weeks away! This is my obligatory pre-birthday/pre-Christmas na din wish list! :)






All I want for my birthday is him:




So cute!



If I can’t have him, I’d settle for a Polaroid Instant Camera:



But I think they’re phasing out Polaroids. Sad.

Anyway, more wishful thinking:

1. UST Commemorative Plate
2. Portable hard drive
3. Rurouni Kenshin (manga)
4. Live Aid Concert DVD
5. Einstein’s Dreams (Alan Lightman)
6. First Among Sequels (Jasper (Fforde)
7. Kafka On The Shore (Haruki Murakami)
8. New pair of eyeglasses!

Also, I need suggestions on how to organize DVDs.

Meme Killed The Radio Star

Meme again! After a long while!

The rules:

1. Open a music player.
2. Go to all music/library.
3. Hit shuffle/randomize.
4. Find photos of the first 25 artists/bands that come up (no repeats and no cheating).
5. Have people guess who the artists/bands are.

Additional rules:
1. Additional clue (artist's/band's song) will be posted on August 1 for unanswered numbers.
2. Correct answers will be posted on August 3 12nn. :) Enjoy!

(warning! lots of pics!)

- 1 -- 2 -- 3 -
- 4 -- 5 -
- 6 -
5ive (c/o MakMak)
- 7 -- 8 -
The Beatles (c/o MakMak)
- 9 -
Imago (c/o Jen)
- 10 -
- 11 -
- 12 -
- 13 -
- 14 -
- 15 -
- 16 -
- 17 -
Paul McCartney (c/o MakMak)
- 18 -
- 19 -
Green Day (c/o MakMak)
- 20 -- 21 -
- 22 -
David Cook (c/o MakMak)
- 23 -
- 24 -
- 25 -

What's Wrong With Dumbledore?

I have a problem with the latest promotional pictures for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, particularly with Dumbledore:

(photos courtesy of Mugglenet)

Why is he not flamboyant enough in the first picture? And why does he look like Gandalf in the second one?!

At least young Tom Marvolo Riddle is appropriately creepy. Can’t wait for the movie!

You Know You Like 'Em, Too

Unlike Bioman and Shaider, I don’t remember how Maskman ended. I’m not sure if it’s because I stopped watching or the show was cancelled.

The DVDs I got were subbed, unlike Bioman which was English-dubbed. The series shown in channel 13 before were Tagalized, so it was weird for me to hear “Takeru!” “Miyo!” instead of “Michael Jo!” “Rio!”. I will always refer to the five as Michael Jo, Lenard, Adrian, Eloisa and Mary Rose. Why I still recall their names I have no idea.

I was surprised that Miyo’s (Rio) malevolent sibling was… a prince. What the hell? They keep referring to her (him?) as Prince Igam (I forgot her Tagalog name. See, I’m not that weird) and she (he?) calls her (him) self as Prince but dude totally looks like a lady. I think there’s more to this, much like Ida in Shaider. Japan really loves these kinds of gender-bending roles. This was also the first time I noticed, but were Miyo and Prince Igam played by the same actress? I think I need to do a research after this.

The head of the evil empire is, for me, scarier than Fuma Le-ar and Dr. Man. There was something Shogun-ish about his appearance. As always, the villains are all pomp and flash. When I was young I never questioned that good always triumph over bad. But now that I have become, uh, more discerning, I wanted the superheroes to have worthy adversaries, not dunderheads with complicated schemes that get thwarted each and every episode. Takeshi (of Takeshi’s Castle) was better at defeating the good guys and defeating them soundly; I only remembered one episode when Takeshi were defeated by the contestants, and that was only because Iwakura usurped his leadership.

Speaking of Takeshi’s Castle, the actor who played Chief Sugata was also the the general who lead the contestants against Takeshi. It’s hard to take him seriously when you knew of this piece of information. (That guy? He never even won against Takeshi!)

So far I’ve rewatched the first five episodes and it brought a lot of memories from my youth. We almost believed that we can achieve the Maskman’s aura power through meditation. We even imitated their meditation gestures! Okerappa was the source of various jokes, green or otherwise. We laughed at the earrings that Yellow Mask and Pink Mask wore, as if their colors weren’t clear enough indication of their genders!

I think I want the Tagalog lyrics of Maskman’s opening theme! “Buong mundo’y magpupuri, magpupugay, mabuhay!” On second thought, it sounded like a song Pacquiao would sing. Better stick to the Japanese version.